Another Advice
Normalize making REQUESTS, not giving ORDERS.
In happy relationships, there are five simultaneous relationships happening. Healthy relationships are based upon each person having a relationship with him or herself. The relationship with the self is the basic building block of a relationship. Both parties must have broken through their denial systems to some extent, achieved some modicum of honesty with themselves, and become willing to take responsibility for themselves. In general, each must be a person in his or her own right. If one does not have a relationship with the self, it is truly impossible to have a living process (healthy) relationship; it will not be possible to be honest with the "other" if one is not in contact with oneself.
This relationship with the self is a source of pleasure and expansion and needs time and nurturing in order to grow. In order to have a relationship with the self, it is necessary to have quiet time alone, time to enrich one's spirituality. A relationship with the self takes time. Truly having a relationship with our own process relates us to the process of the universe.
The next two relationships that occur in healthy relationships are each person's fantasized relationship with the other. Each person has a fantasy about what is go in on with the other and about who the other is. In healthy relationships, it is necessary to bring these fantasized relationships into the conscious self, explore them, and make them available to and share them with the others. These relationships can be the source of a lot of fun, and as long as we know them for what they are, can add richness to our relationship with ourselves and with others.
A WIFE is an HELPER, not AN EMPLOYEE.
A HUSBAND is HEAD, but not AN EMPLOYER
And MARRIAGE is a TEAM
"Baby, can you put on that red dress for our outing tonight?" is different from "Nkechi, put on that red dress for our outing tonight."
The First statement is an APPEAL, one you're very well assured she'd want to oblige, the second is an ORDER. One that will make her feel like a second class citizen, being bossed around.
The first statement shows that you know she may have had something else in mind to put on, but you'll love her to put on something different for you, the second statement says you don't care what she had in mind before.... Because you are her Husband.
The way some guys bark orders to ladies even during dating, you can already smell trouble brewing.
"Come to my place NOW. I want to see you"
"Prepare Food for me, I'll be at your place by 6, make sure the food is ready before then"
She's not a Robot you know. Courtesy and Chivalry will help you in Marriage.
A Woman will do all she can to make you happy, do all you can to make her feel she still has rights, she didn't marry you and become a slave.
Love is a DEMOCRACY.
Don't run an AUTOCRACY, be a DEMOCRAT.
Sometimes, the reason she says No is because of the way you asked.
Normalize making REQUESTS, not giving ORDERS.
In happy relationships, there are five simultaneous relationships happening. Healthy relationships are based upon each person having a relationship with him or herself. The relationship with the self is the basic building block of a relationship. Both parties must have broken through their denial systems to some extent, achieved some modicum of honesty with themselves, and become willing to take responsibility for themselves. In general, each must be a person in his or her own right. If one does not have a relationship with the self, it is truly impossible to have a living process (healthy) relationship; it will not be possible to be honest with the "other" if one is not in contact with oneself.
This relationship with the self is a source of pleasure and expansion and needs time and nurturing in order to grow. In order to have a relationship with the self, it is necessary to have quiet time alone, time to enrich one's spirituality. A relationship with the self takes time. Truly having a relationship with our own process relates us to the process of the universe.
The next two relationships that occur in healthy relationships are each person's fantasized relationship with the other. Each person has a fantasy about what is go in on with the other and about who the other is. In healthy relationships, it is necessary to bring these fantasized relationships into the conscious self, explore them, and make them available to and share them with the others. These relationships can be the source of a lot of fun, and as long as we know them for what they are, can add richness to our relationship with ourselves and with others.
A WIFE is an HELPER, not AN EMPLOYEE.
A HUSBAND is HEAD, but not AN EMPLOYER
And MARRIAGE is a TEAM
"Baby, can you put on that red dress for our outing tonight?" is different from "Nkechi, put on that red dress for our outing tonight."
The First statement is an APPEAL, one you're very well assured she'd want to oblige, the second is an ORDER. One that will make her feel like a second class citizen, being bossed around.
The first statement shows that you know she may have had something else in mind to put on, but you'll love her to put on something different for you, the second statement says you don't care what she had in mind before.... Because you are her Husband.
The way some guys bark orders to ladies even during dating, you can already smell trouble brewing.
"Come to my place NOW. I want to see you"
"Prepare Food for me, I'll be at your place by 6, make sure the food is ready before then"
She's not a Robot you know. Courtesy and Chivalry will help you in Marriage.
A Woman will do all she can to make you happy, do all you can to make her feel she still has rights, she didn't marry you and become a slave.
Love is a DEMOCRACY.
Don't run an AUTOCRACY, be a DEMOCRAT.
Sometimes, the reason she says No is because of the way you asked.
Open up
